Cross to Bear
by nienerz
Summary: This isn't a diary. This is a muggle notebook my dad charmed so I could keep my thoughts organized and not run out of space. Even though I doubt I'll run out out of space anyway, I'm never going to use it. About how Ginny Weasley gets used to Hogwarts after her seconf year. She forms new friendships and rebuilds bridges she thought were long burned down.


Disclaimer: I'm just another poor fan in America who likes writing fanfiction. Please excuse my poor Queen's English, like previously stated, I'm just an American, I don't know any better.

This is an angsty, yet humorous story because that's how Ginny deals with things- with humor. This will include ALL her years of Hogwarts, and one year after. So yes, by all, I do mean the first year too; just not now. They'll take place in different stories and only when this story is finished. Trying to learn from my mistake here.

Enjoy, tell me what you liked and disliked and please help me get better. I'm always willing to learn. Sometimes. (Admit it, you either rolled your eyes or smirked. Even a tiny one.)

* * *

Snakes and Lions

-September 1-

I see them everywhere now. Lions and snakes; I can never get away. I see them in my dorm; I see them in the Common Room. I see them in the halls; I see them in my classes. I see them in the solitude of the loos. I see them in every breath I took. They were always worse in my sleep.

But at least the food at the feast was good.

-September 5-

I'm starting to fear the colours red and green; I officially hate gold and silver. I'm now stealing Dreamless Potions from Snape and Pomphrey. I don't care if they're addictive; it's either become an addict or claw my eyes out. I don't want to go insane. I don't want to be like Tom.

-September 6-

Professor Lupin; I like him. He has tea, and he teaches me how to protect myself, from people like Tom. I can talk to him. He promised to keep my secrets. He won't tell that I'm stealing from the teachers, he doesn't judge when I tell him I hate looking in the mirror. I don't tell him why, I just let him think I'm worried about my figure or something. I could care less- (Weasley metabolism is a blessing and a curse. I'm always cold…) I don't think I'll ever tell anyone why I hate mirrors.

He tells me things, when I ask questions. He doesn't evade my questions like normal adults. He tells me about the dangers of vampires, and most ways to kill them are a lie. They fear fire (he jokes and says my hair colour will scare them away) and the sun. Silver crosses work too. They work well against werewolves as well. He showed me how to smelt bronze into a muggle bullet, and taught me how to transfigure an old cauldron into a gun. He says he won't teach me how to shoot, or clean a weapon, nor will he make me any silver bullets. He doesn't have any on him. Maybe he hates silver just as much as I do.

-September 11-

Expecto Patronum.

That's the spell for fighting dementors. I hate them. They take me back to places I'd rather not be. I went to the library and took out two books –both N.E.W.T. levels (Percy told me he was proud. Fred and George laughed at me; stopped right when I hexed Fred with Boogey Bats. _That_ was funny.) - the books, they're called '_Dangerous Beasts and how to Fight Them'_ and the second is '_Advance Potions; Year Six.'_ I'm going to learn how to make Dreamless Potions myself and how to fight dementors. No way is Tom going to rule me again. I refuse to be helpless.

-September 12-

I know all the ingredients for the potion. I copied the recipe on a separate piece of paper and I'm going to return the book today. I'm going to study this every day until I know it by heart. I'm not going to return '_DBFT'_ (As I've dubbed it. Or '_How to Kick Some Serious Monster Arse'_ as I fondly think of it.) until I can protect myself from each creature in here. Hopefully I'll never face any creatures in here (again.)

-September 13-

I mailed the apothecary to ask how much the ingredients cost (if I get five pounds each, they'll last all year!) and dear Merlin they are expensive. At first, I was put off. Okay, I fought the urge to cry, but that's not the point. I was put off at first, like I said, but then I had a brilliant idea! Do people's homework, and get paid. Some of these kids get paid big bucks (it's a muggle term I learned when I went down to Ottery St. Catchpole. Some Americans were there and they said it. When they told me what it meant (I must've looked really confused) I got hooked to it.) And they have no idea what to do with it. They could always give it to the poor, but no, they don't understand charity. What gits.

-September 13 (later)-

Got my first (and second, third, fourth and fifth) job. It was difficult to convince the first years to let me do their homework, for a reasonable price (five Knuts), and to get them to trust me when I claimed I was an expert in the subject of potions. Told them that I was top of my class last year; which was a total lie, I almost failed. It took a lot of arguing. Well, it really went more like this:

A First Year (think his name is Jorgen (who names their child that!)): Why should I let you do this?

Me: You'll get an 'O' on the paper. (LIE!)

1st Year: I think you're lying.

Me: I'm offended that you doubt my skills. I did so well last year, that Professor Snape thought about moving me ahead. (He actually told me, well snarled, that he considered holding me back.)

1st Year: I heard diff-

Me: Well, I doubt you were actually going to do it, so at least you'll get a grade for it being complete.

After quiet consideration, he handed me the paper, one of his quills and five Knuts. He then silently went to play Exploding Snap with his friends.

It went uphill from that. I got five papers (three from Snape, same thing) charmed the quills to look like the writing of the owner and to write what I wrote. Ten inches later, I started to write an eleven inch Transfiguration paper and then a fifteen inch History of Magic essay.

The Potion essays were actually easy; I retained more than I thought from last year's lessons. Transfiguration, well I always had a knack for that and Charms. I think I should charge a Sickle for History of Magic essays. Those things are hard and you have to research it. Yuck. All in all, it was a good haul.

Total today: 25 Knuts = Relatively nothing, but more than I had before

29 Knuts = 1 Sickle, 17 Sickles = 1 Galleon 493 Knuts = 1 Galleon

-September 14-

Wrote a letter home to Mum and Dad, asking if I sent money to them would they buy the things I wanted. I'll have to make more requests than potion items. I'll ask for clothes and some muggle magazines as well. They're really interesting, and I like them. They're so glossy.

Four defense papers. Since defense also takes some research (And holds a special place in my heart) for me to do the paper is eight Knuts. I know, weird number, but I like it.

Total earnings today: 32 Knuts = 1 Sickle and 3 Knuts

-September 15-

I have ten homework essays. All of them History of Magic and Transfiguration. Don't these teachers care if I have to do all these things! … Nevermind.

-September 15 (later)-

That's it, the higher the year, the higher the price. These pricks think they can cheat me out my money. I'm telling each fourth year that I'll burn their papers if they don't cough up another Sickle. Another five Knuts for third years.

And they won't get a refund.

Total today: 120 Knuts.

-September 18-

My professors cornered me today. Said they were worried about my grades. Did you know I have a 'p' in all my classes! And it's only been six days, not even an entire week! Professor Lupin told me if I needed to talk, his door was always open. He's a good man.

Mental note! Set aside day for your own homework, or work on it during dinner and lunch.

Fifteen papers! These people are mad! You'd think it'd be okay, since most of it is defense, but no! Only two were in the fourth year, three in third, five in second (including mine) eleven in Potions, but all in different years! I had to do three papers in first year, two in third, and six in fourth. Not many third years give me their papers; it seems like the third years aren't interested in my business. Odd. If this is how O.W.L. year is, I quit!

Total earning: 196

-September 19-

TMIS! Thank Merlin it's Saturday! I'm going to send some money to my parents today; they said it was okay if I did! I have a total of thirty-seven Sickles and three Knuts. (I asked Professor Lupin for Sickles when I got enough Knuts to trade with him.) That's two galleons, two sickles and three Knuts! I'm sending them 34 Sickles, mainly because I like even numbers (And that's two galleons!) It's enough for two ingredients and a muggle CD player! A muggle born girl in my year has one, and I want one too. She even charmed it to play! Her name is Demelzelea, Demelza? I can't remember.

I think I'll put the rest of the money in a bank. Yeah, that sounds good.

-September 20-

Now everyone in my family is asking how I got money. But Charlie knows, so does Bill. Apparently, they did the same thing. I knew there was a reason I loved them the best. I say that to each of them, they'll never know that it's Fred I adore the most.

Mum and Dad (mainly Mum, I think that Bill, Charlie and I aren't the first Weasleys to do other's homework) are trying to weasel out the information by being polite. The twins are "casually" adding "Where'd the money come from, Gin?" in our conversations, and Ron? Well, he's being a royal prat about it, so who cares?

Percy has yet to confront me, but I see the question in his eyes. He's like a hungry lion, trying to be discreet but is too desperate to really be concealed. He's planning something.

-September 21-

Percy's taken up to stalking. So has the 'Dream Team.'

I've taken up to appointing meeting with people. Two (well, five) can play at this game.

-September 21 (later)-

Fred and George must've put a tracking device or something on me; they always pop up where I am! They almost caught me, twice! This entire thing has gotten me paranoid.

An all time high with twenty five papers. I think I'm going to get some help for this. I just need someone who's willing to help me but not get paid.

Total earnings: 14 Sickles and 9 Knuts

-September 22-

I found someone who's willing to work with me for free. Her name's Luna, she's actually a neighbor. I used to go to her house and we'd have sleepovers and things like that.

One time, I fell off her bed (it was a loft bed!) and hit my head pretty hard. She ten peered down at me and said 'Now you have evil Nargles.'

My head hurt, and looking at her made me want to spew. 'What are Dark Nargles?' I barely got out.

'Well,' she began to climb down. 'My dad says Nargles make your head go all fuzzy; and Dark Nargles make your head hurt, feel fuzzy, eyes hurt, and make you want to-'

I puked, interrupting whatever she was going to say.

She looked at me sadly and said, 'They make you sick. I'll go get my mum, she'll help you.' Then she tip toed around me and got her mother.

After her mother gave me a potion, they took me home. I never went to her house again, but she came to mine after that. The last time I went to her house, it was for her mother's funeral. It was beautiful, in a heartbreaking way. It was the only time I saw Luna cry. But she wasn't broken. She just held her father's hand as he wept loudly and bitterly.

That made me cry the most; that the child had to comfort the parent. I began to appreciate Mum and Dad more after that.

Anyway, happy thoughts now. The work is getting done twice as fast, and I still have time to practice potions, defense and transfiguration. You know, I'm glad I started doing this homework thing. Not only do I get paid good money, I also learn things that a second year shouldn't know. I'm a beast.

Total earning: 12 Sickles and five Knuts. (I gave Luna five Sickles. Even though she doesn't want to get paid, she definitely deserves it.)

-September 23-

I was reading '_How to Kick Some Serious Monster Arse' _when I realized- oh, how I hope I'm wrong- that one of my teachers are hiding something. Something _big._ Should I tell Dumbledore? He probably already knows. Oh Merlin; we're all gonna die! I HAVE TO TELL THE STUDENTS! I HAVE TO WARN SOMEONE!

-September 23 (later)-

I told Luna. She said we need proof. I'll get her proof. And hopefully, no one dies.

-September 23 (even later)-

The twins now know about my business. They caught me and Luna giving back some fourth years their papers. They told me they were proud and that they thought of doing the same thing. But the thing is, they hardly do their own homework, how were they going to do others? I made them swear not to tell, and then we went back with Luna to her House.

It was really weird. There was this eagle on the door (Why wasn't it a raven? Seriously, it would've been a better choice, and… well, it would look a lot cooler and creepier if it was a raven.) and you had to answer a riddle. Me, Fred and George tried to answer it before Luna got it.

Here's the riddle: Today he is there to trip you up and he will torture you tomorrow. Yet he is also there to ease the pain, when you are lost in grief and sorrow. What is he?

Here are our answers.

Me: Brothers!

Fred: Percy!

George: Percy doesn't comfort us, Gred.

Fred: He does when he trips.

George and I: Ah..

Me: Um, is it… is it love?

Fred and George: Aw, is tiny Gin-bug in love? Is she thinking about a certain black haired investigator?

Me: No! I'm too young to be thinking about love, you gits.

Them: True, but you're never too young for love.

Me: You two are annoying.

Luna: Alcohol.

The twins: According to- sorry, what?

Me: Pardon?

The door swung open, and Luna climbed through. Staring at us, she said dreamily, "I had fun, even though you aren't particularly good at riddles. Good night, and have sweet dreams and may no nýchta trómos torment your mind."

Like I said, it was weird.

Total earnings tonight: 20 Sickles, 10 Knuts. (I decided to pay Luna once a week, like a real employer. Is that me being a good business person, or just greedy and ambitious? Well, the Hat did say that I could be a good Slytherin. If I were a Slytherin, would I still be afraid of red and silver? Would I still hate green and gold?

Oh! I almost forgot. I got a hair sample; and the ingredients for the potion to tell me the hidden beast of the professor.

-September 24-

The weekend starts in two days.

Thank Merlin.

The potion is sitting in Luna's room, just slightly boiling. I'm super excited for tomorrow. I considered not doing homework- anyone's- but I know I'll either be caught soon, or they'll move the potions.

On better news, I can officially make a Corporal Patronus. It's a horse. I looked up what a horse means (because your Patronus is supposed to protect you, and symbolize you or something.) The horse means power, grace, nobility, beauty, strength and freedom. It's all flattering and poetic. I like that the horse is my protector. It's pretty amazing.

Total earnings today: 25 Sickles, 15 Knuts. I gave Luna another five Sickles. I felt guilty for being so greedy. The Hat has to be wrong. Slytherins don't feel guilt. They only feel greed and a want for power. There's nothing good about Slytherin's.

-September 25-

Potion is ready! Time to go see if I was right! Yeah, right, who am I kidding? He has all the signs.

-September 25 (later)-

I was wrong. Luna was right. In shock right now. I'll write later. So confused…

-September 25 (even later)-

Okay, this is what happened. I went to Luna's room (after a first year got me in- I'm not embarrassed! The riddle was hard! A murderer is condemned to death. He has to choose between three rooms. The first is full of raging fires, the second is full of assassins with loaded guns, and the third is full of lions that haven't eaten in 3 years. Which room is safest for him? The answer was the room with the lions- they were dead. HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW!) In Luna's room (Eagle's have their own room. That's totally cheating.) she sat with two cauldrons next to her, one with the potion, and an empty cauldron was over a low fire.

"What's going on?" I asked.

"I just wanted to see if I was correct," Luna said, smiling at me. "Even though I think you have the wrong teacher, I do believe one of the professor's is a wild creature."

"Yeah?" I grinned at her, sitting on my knees and looked into the empty cauldron. "This one for me or you?"

"For you of course. You sat down, didn't you?"

"Yeah, I guess I did."

Luna took a ladle and dipped it into the cauldron with the potion. She then took it out and poured it into mine. She put the ladle on her bed ("The elves will get it.") and took the wand out from behind her ear.

Putting her piece of hair in the calmly boiling cauldron, she said, "Say this spell: 'thi̱río apokalýptoun.'" She slowly weaved her wand in an 'X' than a circle over her cauldron.

Repeating what she said, I watched as the purple magic changed colours. Mine changed from a light purple to a dark purple and then a dark red (I flinched, embarrassingly so), signifying that there was no beast.

I started ranting tight away. "WHAT! That's impossible! He has dark hair, and it's yucky and dirty, and his ears are really large! And I _swear_ he has no shadow. I'm telling you, Snape is a dhamphir!"

"Ginny," Luna's voice was soft and held wonder in them. "Look." Her magic had changed from a light purple to a turquoise blue, teal, green, pink, there was a kaleidoscope of colours. And finally, it changed to black, and his face (I remember gasping, Professor Lupin? How did I miss the signs? Lack of silver, got nervous talking about werewolves…) appeared in the cauldron, then it swirled and in its place was a werewolf.

-September 25 (even later still)-

It's a full moon. I went flying, trying to clear my mind. There were sad heartbreaking howls tonight, and it was the fourth time I cried while flying. Professor Lupin must be so lonely. He probably needs a friend. Just like I did last year, but he has it worse. He lost all his friends and family in the war, and know he has no one.

It hurts to be alone, and I don't know how he did it without going insane these past thirteen years. I'll be his friend. He already treats me kindly, and I don't want him to think I think of him badly because he gets really hairy every few days a month.

It's time to sleep.

-September 26-

Professor Lupin wasn't in class today. It was Snape. He's a real joy in the morning. Ironically, we had a class on werewolves. There's a twelve inch paper due in two days, stating the effect of a werewolf bite. It also requires us to write ways on how to stop and kill a werewolf. And lastly, what you should do in case you find a werewolf, "pretending to be human."

He's the only one pretending to be human. I'm one hundred percent positive he is half vampire. Or something. He's half something.

-September 26 (later)-

I told Luna that if she wanted, she could run the business today. I don't feel like writing a hundred essays on how wicked werewolves are. She smiled at me, and told me she understood perfectly, and that the essays were all going to get a 'T' when graded by Snape. I tried to smile back, but I couldn't.

I barely crawled in the common room and onto a couch before falling asleep. When I woke up, it was because Hermione was shaking my shoulder. "Wake up, Gin, wake up."

I looked up at her and smiled. "Hey Hermy, I think this bed-couch-thing is really comfy, and I don't wanna move because then I'll go and hex Snape." I frowned sleepily, "He's not a nice man, Hermyne. He's mean."

I heard laughter; I recognized one as Ron's, so the only other one could be… Harry.

I sat up really fast. "Woah, I'm dizzy." I shook my head. "What time is it?"

"Late," Ron answered. "Why aren't you doing other people's homework?"

I blame this on my tiredness. "Because I didn't feel like doing Snape's essay once, why would I subject myself to that torture by doing another twenty?"

I could practically hear Ron's smirk. I did hear Hermione's gasp of 'How could you!' and could feel her getting ready to lecture. Then I heard Harry begin to laugh. "It really was torturous, huh?"

I laughed and soon all of us were laughing, although Hermione's was more of a nervous 'If I laugh too hard, he'll appear behind me' laugh.

"But honestly Ginny, I thought you knew better. What you're doing is cheating, and no one gains anything from cheating. Furthermore-"

"Not true, 'Mione. I've actually learned a lot, doing what I am. I'm learning Ancient Rune's, and History of Magic is _way_ more interesting than Binn's makes it. Also, I learned that Care of Magical Creature's Class is fascinating. I see why Charlie loved it."

"Erm, well… the people who are paying you to do their homework-"

"Wait!" Ron interrupts Hermione's tirade and looks at me. "How much do you make?"

I grin up to him and say "It's a slow business, but I make around three galleons a day."

"Bloody hell, Gin, that's brilliant! Can I join?"

"Ron!" Hermione scolded, making him flinch.

Harry guffawed behind Ron, and I caught his eye and we both burst out into laughing.

In the end, I remembered I was tired and told the three I was going to sleep.

And now I am.

-September 27-

Yesterday was the first time I fell asleep without a Dreamless Potion. I feel amazing; better than I do _with_ a potion. I plan on pouring them down the toilets. I'm officially cured.

Lupin's back, but he looks awful. Transforming must be a bitch. Hah, that was a good one. He said the essays Snape gave us weren't worth anything, so we don't have to do them and those that did can turn them in for extra credit. I put mine on top of the pile. I hope he actually reads it, and doesn't just burn it.

Luna and I only got ten essays. Slow day.

Total earnings: 6 Sickles 7 Knuts (Luna gave me five Sickles, big night yesterday) so 11 Sickles, 7 Knuts

-September 28-

I think I'll fly tonight. Seems like a good idea.

-September 28 (later)-

A lot of essays, so not much time to write! I really wanna fly tonight!

-September 28 (even later)-

Total earnings: 40 Sickles and 119 Knuts. I think the entire fourth year gave me and Luna their homework.

-September 28 (even later still)-

I went flying; it was amazing. Time to rest.

-September 29-

I'm bored. And I need music for my CD player. I'm going to send some money to Dad and ask him if he can buy me some. A CD from every genre, how cool will that be? And expensive. I should just send all my money. Yeah, I didn't even put my money in a bank, it's just been hiding in my chest (which I put numerous amount of locks on to protect the money and this notebook.)

I quit my business. If Luna wants to run it, she can. And Binn is killing H.o.M. It's so boring.

-September 29 (later)-

Professor Lupin asked me to come to talk to him when classes were done.

It was fun. We talked about politics, (well, he talked, I learned) I showed him my Patronus, (after making him swear no one else can know.) he showed me his, (a dolphin) and we talked about more creatures and how well I'm learning. I told him about how I thought Snape was a dhamphir ("The mistake makes sense, Prongs used to accuse him of that too!") I asked him who Prongs was and he told me about his adventures in Hogwarts. He was part of the Four Marauders! Fred and George go on and on about them, this is so cool. (I know something they don't!) We talked about potions, and how he thought I'd be getting an 'O' in that class with all the papers I do.

("You know about that?!" A laugh. "Of course. You and Miss Lovegood are very good at what you do, but as a teacher, I can tell my students writing patterns. And once, you accidently wrote your initials on the back of the paper." … "Oh." More laughter, this time from the both of us.)

He gave me pointers for Transfiguration and Charms, and when dinner came around, he told me to bring Luna too, and we can all talk.

I think I'm actually his friend. And that thought makes me happy.

-September 30-

Three days and no Dreamless Potions were used. My next step is to actually look in a mirror, and not have Venus do my hair for me. Maybe I won't be afraid of certain colours one day. Maybe one day I'll move on.

End of Month One, Year Two

Next Time: Ginny goes through with drawl, gets psychological help, Sirius breaks into Hogwarts.


End file.
